Imagine having the following conversation with a random (yet armed) stranger in the airport:

“Excuse me. Do you have AIDS?”

“Um…no.”

“Leprosy?”

“Um…what?”

“How about Venereal Disease?”

When one flies to China, they are required to answer questions on the landing survey that ask such things as “Do you have depression?” or “Do you have AIDS?”   Admit to having anything on the list and you’ll quickly find yourself on a flight headed back the direction you just came.

Want to move to China? You have to prove you don’t have any of the above and more.

With this in mind I found myself shuffled off to a medical clinic in Yoyogi last week and submitted to a battery of tests.   They poked, they prodded and they made certain that I was not color blind. After that it was off to the EKG room before stopping in for a quick chest xray which was the last stop before the ultimate fun…the blood draw.

Seriously, the Chinese government required enough tests that FIVE vials of blood were taken from me.   FIVE FULL VIALS.  Really? Someone needs to explain to me why that was at all necessary (and no, I’m not going to buy the whole “Lepors distroy social order” argument.)

Alas, I survived. Survived only to be ushered into a room with the Doctor who was reviewing my chest x-ray and who quickly announced that my heart…It is small.

Yes, it has now been medically confirmed that I have a small heart. Couple that with the fact that my body tempature runs a bit colder than the average and it turns out that I have a small, cold heart.

-I’ll give you a moment to snicker-

In the Japanese tradition of medical care, I received the same and only treatment that T or I have been recommended for any and all of the ailments we’ve come across in Japan: Drink more water.  I’m beginning to wonder if there is actually any medication in this country or if water is just prescribed for everything.

Kidney Stones? Guzzle the water.

Sinus infection? Water.

Small, cold heart? Water…maybe warm it up.

Regardless, as I sit here with a large bottle of water pondering life, I have beside me a stack of papers three inches thick proclaiming me NORMAL (that’s a first) and free of all sorts of diseases including some I had to get a dictionary.  I also have the full x-ray of my small heart at home with plans of putting on the refrigerator, right next to the MRI of T’s kidney stones and my masters degree.

I guess knowing for sure I don’t have rabies will help me sleep just a bit better tonight.