…in small spaces.

As I was pondering yesterday’s awkwardness, I realized that the concept of personal space is another important thing to note as it represents perhaps one of the hardest things to get used to about Japan.

When we moved here (two years ago this week actually for T), I had heard of the infamous capsule hotels, the efficiency of it all and well, it is all very true. What I did not really comprehend fully was how this efficiency would translate to transportation.

Case in point:

That is basically our morning commute and I’m still not used to it.

It’s actually become a bit of a sport as T and I work to outsmart the “herd.” After years of working in New York, we’d learned the herd mentality of the office commuters well and had mastered the fine art of knowing how to gauge and work the crowd.

When we moved here and discovered that the trains run roughly two to three minutes apart (on our line) we figured it would all be peachy. There’s even a screen displaying when the next train is slated to arrive as well as the one after that – so convenient!

This is nothing like the MTA and neither is the crowd.

First of all, regardless of the next train that is slated to arrive in two more minutes the entire group will work to get on this train. Well, everyone but us. Depending on how bad the crush gets, T and I have a habit of waving to the people on the train as the last six people use the door frames to wedge themselves in.

Why not just (literally) suck it up you ask?

New Yorkers will squeeze in and manage to never come into physical contact with anyone.

Tokyo dwellers…will actually come into contact with you. They will fully squish you up against another human being you probably don’t know and then press themselves up against you. After that 50 people will do the same to them. Trust me when I say it’s lovely in the summer…oh have I never mentioned that deodorant is more of a social suggestion than a guideline here?

That said, this is the norm here and the five year old boy i saw unable to breathe in a crushed train seemed totally fine with it. It’s a good thing it’s only a three minute ride between stations (that’s the average and there is a screen in the train which actually shows you your time to destination).

In order to maintain some sort of order for the herd, there are some unspoken rules to the trains here. They are as follows and please, for the love of all things holy, follow them.

- No chatting on the cell phone. Texts and silent gaming are fine but please, no talking. There’s little more intimidating than watching and entire train of people physically shift to turn and glare at someone talking on the phone.

- No eating. People may actually work up themselves up to say something to you on this subject. That alone speaks volumes about how much of an offense this is.

- No loud talking. Again the glare bears will come after you in force.

- No touching on purpose! I don’t care if you are married – No hand holding! Hugging is even worse. PDAs of any sort are strictly forbidden.

That said, there are some perfectly acceptable behaviors on the train.
- Taking a running start to throw yourself into a crowd of people just as the doors close. Hey, without the running start you’d never be able to actually physically fit into the car. Even with it, your feet won’t actually touch the ground until the next stop because you are literally pressed between a body or two and the door…suspended in mid leap.
-Sleeping! Feel free to lean against your fellow passengers. This is a favorite pastime for salarymen.
-Being wasted drunk. Being drunk on the train is fine just please reserve actual drunken bodily functions until you reach a platform of some sort.

-Porn! Have as much porn as you’d like with you and read it openly! Porn newspaper with a naked woman spread eagle on the front page? Make sure your fellow passengers can see as well, they’d appreciate it your sharing.
For the record, we were properly warned before ever setting foot on a train and have never really broken the above rules. That should make up for the 5,000 other unspoken rules we’ve unknowingly violated.