-A warning to those of delicate minds, this is a bit of a departure from our normal fodder-

As if life in a Japanese office doesn’t require enough cultural maneuvering, the mail lady just handed me an anal swab.

Feel free to take a moment to ponder that one.

Sufficiently disturbed yet?

If yes – continue. If no – um, read that again.

So yes, it’s that lovely time of the year…company health check time!

Today health packets with swabs and a green mystery gel were handed out to everyone in anticipation of the supreme awkwardness of free health checks. Granted, as I’ve received e-mails from people claiming they are too ill to come to work because “i have a heavy flow” and “i can’t get off the toilet” so perhaps these types of things are not as private here? (Hello? TMI! I’ve actually had to sit people down and explain that ‘i am sick and can not come to work’ is all I need to know. I mean really, why in the world would I need to know those types of details?)

But I digress…

Each and every year a small medical clinic opens up in our conference room for three days. They haul in a set of Doctors, Nurses and X-Ray machines and set up shop and everyone lines up to be poked, prodded and to hand in various containers of various things. I’m not exactly sure what you are supposed to do with the green gel though, maybe it makes your insides glow for some alien probe test? I believe it’s sponsored by our health insurance but can’t really be sure as no one seems to know.

I think it’s safe to mention that nary an expat can be found in said line.

Personally, I’d like to think there are just some things that are not to be shared with co-workers. While no one else seems to take issue with having a chest x-ray in your office, I just can’t seem to bring myself to be at all comfortable with the concept. Instead I’m left to politely smile as I take the packet in question from the mail lady and swiftly toss it in a deep, dark drawer never to be spoken of again. Somethings are best handled on an independent basis in the privacy of a one on one environment, no?

I guess the good news is that everyone is looking after their health?

Needless to say, it’s a little odd to know what’s about to go on in the conference room.

T says: After asking colleagues to describe the process, I’d liken it to a self-imposed an alien abduction .  Me thinks I’ ll pass…